There Are No New Updates

[[check twitter|twitterUpdate]] [[check irc|ircUpdate]] [[check phone|phoneUpdate]]

<<set $updates = random(3)>><<if $updates == 0>>[[there are no updates|start]]<<else>><<for $i to 0; $i lt $updates; $i++>> someone tweeted a <<print either($adjective)>> <<print either($noun)>> <<print either($media)>> <</for>> [[there are no more updates|thought]] <<set $twitterUP = 1>> <</if>>

<<set $updates = random(2)>><<if $updates == 0>>[[there are no updates|start]]<<else>><<set $updates = random(1,10)>><<for $i to 0; $i lt $updates; $i++>> [<<print either($adjective)>>_<<print random(10,666)>>] <<print either($irc_replies)>> <</for>> [[there are no more updates|thought]] <<set $ircUP = 1>> <</if>>

<<set $updates = random(3)>><<if $updates == 0>>[[there are no new texts|start]]<<else>>text from <<print either($name)>>: "<<print either($text)>>" [[there are no more texts|thought]] <<set $phoneUP = 1>> <</if>>

you look away staring at the corner of the room where you put your limbs you don't remember removing them you don't remember any pain you don't remember any sense of anything [[there are no new updates|start]]

suddenly you're aware of just how routine your life (and by extension you) has become <<set $story = "middle">> [[there are no new updates|start]]

new hobbies new foods new friends you decided to destroy anything 'routine' but noticing the newness of everything is exhausting [[there are no new updates|start]]

you remember all the times you //were// comfortable when you stayed up at night worried that you were slipping stuck in place [[there are no new updates|start]]

discomfort had been a great motivator you had to remember that those anxious times were not great times you had to remember never to romanticize them but you did anyways [[there are no new updates|start]]

your worries about routine your worries about unpredicatability they're just surface issues symptoms of a larger problem you wonder if you'll ever be ok [[there are no new updates|start]]

you got on the bus late for work you brush off the ichor the last rider left on the seat you hope the driver can keep their body together [[there are no new updates|start]]

the days roll around on after the other smoothed out dips paved over peaks removed cleanly a comfortable blur sensations blooming then muting just as quickly [[there are no new updates|start]]

you heard them in the streets below jaws snapping teeth flashing you threw fine china shouting until they left [[there are no new updates|start]]

you wished for temporary nonexistance but sleep was probably the closest you would get [[there are no new updates|start]]

tonight was usually when your friends got together you felt like you didn't connect with them but you did a good job of masking that [[there are no new updates|start]]

just scribbles on a page [[there are no new updates|start]]

you found that sensation once you wanted to be there forever [[there are no new updates|start]]

your agitation grows with the realization that your anxieties have become routine [[there are no new updates|start]]

you had a dream where you put yourself together all the parts fit you were warm but not uncomfortable it was distressing to know that you could have this [[there are no new updates|start]]

was this what you wanted moments then ages spent replicating them? [[there are no new updates|start]]

how long were you willing to float along did you know what you wanted? idk idk idk i dont Know i don't no [[there are no new updates|start]]

quilts of guilt wrapped up so tightly in them [[there are no new updates|start]]

enough is never enough [[there are no new updates|start]]

do you even want to be an adult [[there are no new updates|start]]

last time you looked out the window there was sunlight now when you look out the window there's nothing [[there are no new updates|start]]

"all you do is write and worry about dumb shit" [[there are no new updates|start]]

you wished someone would ask but then they did and you panicked [[there are no new updates|start]]

[[you check twitter|twitterUpdate]] <<set $adjective = ["strong", "quick", "wild", "empathetic", "wise", "based", "rigorous", "transcendental", "cute", "graceful", "lanky", "moonlit", "considerate", "caring", "daring", "plentiful", "gnarly", "sick", "ephemeral", "boring", "regular", "cantankerous", "spritely", "feverish", "foggy", "sun-drenched", "ergonomic", "dandy", "romantic", "rowdy"] >> <<set $noun = ["fight game", "dogge", "cat", "meme", "birb", "skelton", "waifu", "anime", "sport", "food", "weed", "vide gam", "stefen universal", "drake", "future"] >> <<set $media = ["picture", "video", "movie", "4koma", "vine"] >> <<set $name = ["mom1", "mom2", "dad3", "buddy", "pal", "broe", "sis", "room mate", "lover", "friend"] >> <<set $text = ["how are you?", "whats up?", "call me?", "wanna hang?", "where were you?", "new number whodis?", "is it lit?", "when are you coming home?", "where are you?"] >> <<set $irc_replies = ["lol", "ikr", "xD", "ヽ(´ｰ｀ )ﾉ", "(゜∀゜)", "＼(　*¯∇¯)ノ ☆ＦＡＢＵＬＯＵＳ～☆", "(✿◕‿◕✿)", "ヽ(◔ ◡ ◔ )ﾉ", "（　´_ゝ`）", "ヽ(ﾟдﾟ )ﾉ", "_(：3 」∠ )_", "im helping", "rofl", "(゜ν`(∋─━ᕙ(⊙ヮ☉ ᕙ)","( っ｀・Д・´ )っ","┬──┬◡щ(⊙◞౪◟⊙ щ)","ヽ(´A｀ヽ )","＼(˘◞౪◟˘ ＼ )","( ＞ >3< )＞","ԅ(˘‿˘ ԅ )","nyoro~n ＜(★오★ ＜)" ,"( ' ヮ')ノ.・ﾟ*｡・.・ﾟ*｡・.・ﾟ*｡・(͡°_͡° )","ヽ( ♥з♥)人(♥з♥ )ﾉ","( ／｀︿´)／｀、、ヽ｀☂","(>_< ๑)","( ／ ´·⊆·` )／"] >> <<set $story = "blaze">> <<set $ircUP = 0>> <<set $twitterUP = 0 >> <<set $phoneUP = 0 >> <<set $updateCount = 0>> <<set $updateLimit = random(10)>> <<set $passages = ["cycl", "anak", "magneto", "storm", "adult responsibilities", "enough", "tron", "psylocke", "captain", "satan", "whats new", "what do you want for your birthday", "comfortable","motivation", "megaman", "captain", "benwa", "doom", "sentinel", "blackheart", "bus", "my body is falling apart"] >>

<<if $story == "over">> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<if $story == "blaze">> <<if $ircUP == 1>> <<if $phoneUP == 1>> <<if $twitterUP == 1>> <<if previous() eq "ircUpdate">> <<goto [[blaze it]] >> <<else>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<else>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<else>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<else>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<elseif $story == "middle">> <<if $updateCount == $updateLimit>> <<set $updateCount = 0>> <<set $updateLimit = random(4)>> <<if $passages.length eq 0>> <<set $story == "end">> <</if>> <<set $next = $passages.pluck()>> <<goto $next>> <<else>> <<set $updateCount++>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<elseif $story == "end">> <<if $updateCount == $updateLimit>> <<goto [[happy birthday]] >> <<set $story = "over">> <<else>> <<set $updateCount++>> <<goto [[start]]>> <</if>> <<else>> man what the fuck <</if>>